![]() ![]() Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. His 3 favorite bath toys consisted of a radio, a toaster, and a middle aged Vietnamese man. Chuck Norris never played with rubber ducks in the bathtub. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. ![]() Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live. ![]() Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's f*cking beef. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin. Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence. On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter". If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance." It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engineWenow know this truck as Optimus Prime. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the f*ck he wants. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd no one fools Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. ![]()
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